I arrived not on time for a snow canceled flight. The gate was quiet. Seems everyone but me had gotten alerts and diverted themselves before arriving. Sitting down to catch my breath entirely at once I realized how tired, sick and uncared for I was, how far and fast I’d been running, going, doing.
Burning the candle at both ends actually works for a while. In fact, I think it’s a reasonable approach to make a dent in the world. The key is to realize when enough’s enough. Not easy for an addict but the body doesn’t lie. Eventually it aways reveals the truth even when my head and heart continue the charade.
Finally at my destination I continued to sit in awareness of the lack of self care I’d been administering. Resting for a few days and being as kind to myself as I could, I again became grateful for the benefits of a meditation practice, first offering awareness, then offering belief in the ability change, then offering the path.
My addictive nature created a self care plan; things like taking 3 months off of work to clear my head, a 100 day fast detox and selling everything I own to live a simple life. My noble friends suggested those “interesting” ideas were an option but a few simpler things like going home a half hour early per day and taking my dog Will for a walk everyday while leaving my phone at home might be a more reasoned approach.
I began to investigate what being kind to myself and having more self care might look like. I did simple things like moving my phone out of my bedroom, deleting Facebook from the phone and buying an alarm clock that has no sound but uses light to mimic the sunrise. Will and I have found some amazing new hikes. My food is healthier, I even take a couple vitamins now. My journal has more words in it. My house is cleaner.
I quickly observed the benefits of these simple, reasonable changes. I looked in the mirror and saw the brightness of my smile.