I ocasionnally live in delusions my mind creates. I’m trying to move out but we keep debating and fighting and packing and unpacking. It’s hard to change.
So often I have runaway story lines and believe something more is happening than really is. When I finally recognized how much my mind manufactures stories, about what someone wanted from me or what someone at work was implying or what this or that side comment was really getting at, I started to be more suspect of how I “felt” in any one singular moment.
My feelings are faulty.
This awareness has proven immeasurably helpful.
I can dispel the belief so much easier now because I’m so much more aware that what I think is often flawed or self-generated and not nearly as real as it looks. Meditation has again been my savior, the window that allowed allows me to see and transform and mostly not act.
Meditation taught me to pause when I assume things, to allow time and a little perspective to shed some light and a new reality. A constant reminder for me of this is whenever I teach a class there is always someone in the room who looks like they hate me. They sit in the back with their arms crossed and their face sorta blazed with hate. They stare blankly, act disengaged, and I have to force myself to keep going in spite of feeling bad and thinking I’m blowing it. Almost one hundred percent of the time the very same person is the one who comes up and says how much something I said meant to them or how much it helped them in some way. Very often, the people who seemed most engaged are the ones who got the least, proving my mind truly can create total delusion.
Learning to trust the practice more than the process. Simple, Hard.